Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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