I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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