You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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