Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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