uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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