Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
