Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
