i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year