It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary