dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...