I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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