Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
