I am in a vortex of obligation.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
