I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
