maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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