I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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