Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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