So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
