How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize