dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
