Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Your dad touched me again.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
