this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
