508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
