No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
