Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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