Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
