wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
