I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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