I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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