He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
