I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
