The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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