How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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