Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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