Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.