i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!