no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.