I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.