I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
