I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Never joke about your clitoris.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
