I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
