I used to practice getting hit by cars.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
