Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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