what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
