The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
