It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
