she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
