Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
