I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize