I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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