I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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