she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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