The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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