im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
