Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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