You just made me feel so damn special
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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