Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
