I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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