I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
