Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
