In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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