Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
