Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
