Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
