she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
