So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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