sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
