yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
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I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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