New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she smelled like a LAN party
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
