turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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