She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
